False Sense Of Reality

Delusion is real!

Especially When dealing with a narcissist.

In my case the narcissist, let's call him Nick.

The day before shit hit the fan, I spazzed out on him because I was tired of neglecting myself to make sure he was happy, and tired of being controlled, and everyday it was something new he was nit-picking about everything. It was draining. Mentally, I was exhausted and over the mind games. I told him i had to make some decisions, he called back and said if you hang this phone up without discussing about what just happen don't ever call me again. I said okay and hung up I really didn't think much of it. But, I said to myself that was cowardly. I am grown if you want to part ways just say that. I assumed he wanted an out and I gave it to him. I don't believe in keeping a man who don't want to be kept. Everything happens for a reason. I should have just let it be and went on about my business without reaching out to him. But Shoulda Could've Would've but i did attempt to reach out to him. He blocked me on me on everything. I had time to think and it hit me like a ton of bricks i got finessed by a narcissist. That's when the anger start brewing. In his mind he thought I didn't want to let him go... False sense of reality. Truthfully, I think ghosting is a coward way out. Especially, when said party was extremely dead set on us talking so damn much. I began to replay everything I expressed to Nick, regarding how I wanted to go about this relationship. Generally, I am not extra needy. I am okay without being in constant communication from sun up to sun down. So to have Nick constantly verbalize how he wanted and felt the need to be in constant communication from sun up to sun down. I was a bit guarded but not too much. I actually was open to see how things would go. So I Agreed. All I was thinking was I am giving Nick the tools to break my heart. Because I am a logical person. I said constantly talking everyday would speed up the process and cause feelings to develop. But not only that I would become attached and he could just pull the plug at any moment and I would have to deal with going through withdrawals because I would have been conditioned to talking to him everyday and would develop a dependency. I know once I fall in love I fall hard. Which is why I am cautious and I approach with caution Welp, what I thought would happen.....Did. Nick started off amazing. Painted an amazing picture. I was on cloud 9 until he decided to reveal his true self. Layer by layer I began to see yellow flags, controlling, possessive and needy

I went through a grieving process because I had to come to grips with whatever connection I thought Nick and I had was null and void and that was hard. But what was even harder. Was to have the man who I thought I knew, show no respect and tried to place blame on me. and create relationship rules that only applied to me he was exempt While he calls it walking away, I call it playing mind games because that man could have said or sent a text to say. This is not working for me. We need to break up. I don't believe in keeping a man who don't want to be kept. So by all means go. I Felt like he didn't want to say the phrase let's break up so he decided to poke the bear and he began gaslighting. You cannot poke the bear and not expect for the bear to snap at you. With every action there is a reaction. And because I didn't handle my feelings and channel my emotions how he would have. He decided to minimize my feelings, and saying I act out when I get hurt. The Audacity. I am not the type to try to force someone to stay when they want to leave. I don't get hurt easily. Life has given me thick skin. I am a straight shooter. I don't beat around the bush. If you want to go by all means go. Let me get the door for you and help you with your bags. I Have no idea where did he get this false sense of reality from but it's damn right comical. This was my first time dealing with someone with Narcissist Personality Disorder. The Narcissist was intentionally pushing for us to talk everyday and even insinuating I need to let my guard down and let him in, in addition to stop being so logical and I should follow my heart, i discovered it was apart of his sadistic plan to get me to a state of dependency. Only to pull the rug from up under me. He even suggested while we were on a relationship if one of us feels a way, we should talk about it before pulling the plug. Well to my surprise I found out that suggestion only applied to me he was exempt he could break away whenever he wanted to and he didn't have to discuss it But hey it's cold world! This was a power play move on his part, He felt i was on the way out so he wanted to gain some control of the situation. My focus shifted back to my business and meeting my business goals, The ultimate goal was to break me down emotionally. Which he could not do! He tried. The little information i did tell him about me he tried to use that against me as ammunition. But I Only told him things i wanted him to know. I don't recommend telling a man Everything, Unless he has proved he is worthy enough to be told personal information. He insulted my intelligence. I felt like I was going crazy, I had my girls group reading our correspondences, He was playing mind games. I was sick and tired. However do to us talking all the damn time. I was growing dependent on him, he was detaching emotionally. I had know idea.....So when he discarded me I was physically sick. I thank God for my friends because they were checking on me daily and my current boyfriend (who was a male friend at the time was making sure I was ok! He was a God-sent.